Monday Mood: Boredom

Ah a lighter Monday Mood. Good deal. Today is about boredom. Boredom is described as an emotion resulting from a lack of work or interest in the surroundings. There are three types of boredom.

• ·         Times when we are prevented from doing something we want to do
• ·         Times when we are forced to do something we don't want to do
• ·         Times when we are unable to engage with the current activity/surrounds

While chronic and severe boredom is related to depression, it can also be a symptom of attention issues, especially in children. If your child is experiencing boredom in the classroom and getting into trouble as a result, it might be something to mention to your family physician. Your child might exceed the current needed skill set in the classroom (think Gifted) or they might be missing key skills related to the lesson (think Specific Learning Disabilities). They might have an attention issue that can be treated with an appropriate combination of behavior modification, therapy, and medication.

Love is love, no matter the back story. <3 DS

Monday Mood: Sorrow

This is another heavy Monday Mood. I'm keeping this one short. It is about Sorrow.

Sorrow is an emotion that is more than sadness and borders on resignation. It is closely related to regret, which I covered last week.

Writer Alexander Faulkner Shand related sorrow to be the result of an interruption of an impulse (his theory connected sadness, fear, anger, and joy as primary emotions). In Shand's view, the results of sorrow are split between clinging to the object of sorrow and seeking to repair damage to the object that caused the sorrow. He related sorrow as the root of pity. Psychologist William McDougal disagreed with Shand and cited Shand's own admission that sorrow came from those four simpler emotions. McDougal supported his theory with grief, a form of sorrow that does not include an impulse to repair any injury. Additionally, he reasoned that sorrow contains emotional pain while pity does not and thusly stated that sorrow is not the root of pity.

To me, sorrow is emotional suffering due to grief and regret. Mourning the peaceful death of a loved one is an example of sorrow. While an unexpected death (such as that of a child) might cause one to cling to the expired life, a peaceful passing of an aged relative is generally looked upon as a blessing. Mourning in each situation is different and I would call the former anguish while the latter would be sorrow.

Love is love, no matter the back story. <3 DS

Monday Mood: Regret

Regret is one of those emotions that no one really wants to experience, but is pretty much unavoidable. It is a feeling of sadness, shame, guilt, etc. after events that the person wishes they would not have done. "Sorry" is the most often used expression of regret. It can relate to action or inaction.

Regret is linked to several phenomena. Buyer's remorse is a financial regret of impulse purchasing. Survivor guilt is a mental illness that is found in the survivors of catastrophes in which they feel shame or guilt for having survived when others did not. Existential regret has to do with a wish to change the past in situations of failure to make competent choices or acting against one's values.

A simple explanation of regret is recognizing a past mistake. One of my favorite quotes from writer Mercedes Lackey is: "If only. Those must be the two saddest words in the world." Playwright Jonathan Larson wrote "forget regret, or life is yours to miss" in his musical Rent. To me, that means that by focusing too much on the "what ifs" of the past, you can miss out on what life has to offer right now and will result in nothing but heartache. Both quotes are very powerful representations of regret.

I try to live my life with a policy of no regrets. That is really difficult to do, more so as I get older. I try to make good choices in all ventures, live by my morals and values, and avoid "what if" moments. I'm not perfect at it, but it has worked out pretty well for me so far. What about you?

Love is love, no matter the back story. <3 DS

Monday Mood: Affection

Today's Monday Mood is a variation on the theme of Love. Affection is a type of love that amounts to more than friendship. Whereas love can cover possessions, pets, friends, family, and so on, affection is pertaining to how one would feel about another human being in a generally non-sensual way (sensual affection is more akin to passion).

Psychologists have split opinions on measuring affection. Some feel that it can be divided into two groups (pleasure and displeasure). This measure of affection is defective in that it doesn't take into account the degree of affection one can feel for different pleasures. Others divide it into three groups of related positive and negatives (pleasure and displeasure, tension and relaxation, excitement and depression). Henry Murray, an American psychologist, developed a list of five affection needs that unconsciously play a major role in personality development. His list was: affiliation, nurturance, play, rejection, and succorance (I had to look that one up... it means being helped or protected by others).

Pet names are a simple example of affection. My parents still call me "Sis" instead of using my name. Using the terms "babe" or "sweetheart" for a lover is a pet name. Going vastly beyond how a parent may feel affection for their child, we have PDA. Kids are regularly reprimanded in US schools for Public Display of Affection (PDA) such as holding hands, hugging, and kissing. Such PDA is also common in Australia, New Zealand, Canada, and Europe. However, in Latin America, teenagers take PDA a lot further in public parks (kissing, petting, and even oral sex in full view of other park patrons with multiple partners). In South Africa, PDA is illegal for anyone under 16. In India, they still uphold a strict no PDA law from the 1800's to this day that can result in jail time or fines. In Pakistan, PDA is a criminal offence and anyone caught must submit their marriage certificate for a reduced sentence or face criminal prosecution.

Do you have a unique pet name that you use for your child or lover? I've heard some weird ones but I'd love to hear more. Let me hear it in the comments below.

Love is love, no matter the back story. <3 DS

Monday Mood: Embarrassment

Ah. A Monday Mood everyone should relate to easily: embarrassment. We all do stupid things that end up leaving us red faced and scrambling to cover our tracks. We've done something dumb and people saw and/or found out about it. We shed a slight layer of dignity and then moved on.

Read after the jump for a funny story.

Monday Mood: Loneliness

Loneliness sucks. It is different for everyone but I wager everyone has felt it, even just slightly, at some point in their lives. Let's talk about it today for Monday Mood.

Loneliness is an unpleasant feeling of emptiness resulting from poor to no social relationships. Ever been the new kid at school? Remember your first day on a new job? Did you go through a breakup or divorce? There are so many situations that can cause someone to feel lonely if only for a short amount of time.

Severe cases of loneliness are more frequent in high population cities. Think about it. Everyone is in this big rat race, rushing from one place to the next rarely bothering to really interact with others. At the end of the day, one can feel alone even while surrounded by millions. Even online, people can find themselves alone in a sea of pixels.

Those that experience real chronic loneliness are at higher risk of heart disease, stroke, cancer, depression, and suicide. They are more prone to drug and/or alcohol abuse. It affects sleep patterns, blood pressure, and memory.

Treatment for loneliness can be as simple as finding one good friend to confide in regularly. Chronic loneliness can be treated with various therapies, medication, exercise, and communal living. I especially like the idea of pet therapy and spent many years researching it for various reasons. I don't suggest getting a Labrador if you have never had a pet before though. Maybe start with fish. Work your way up, or go volunteer at your local animal shelter.

If you feel like you are experiencing chronic loneliness, please seek medical attention before it leads to anything worse. Your local suicide prevention hotline can help you find resources in your area or you can call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline. Their website is here.


Love is love, no matter the back story. <3 DS

Monday Mood: Happiness

Don't worry. Be happy! Happiness is a feeling of well-being. Money, education, and the weather do not affect happiness like many believe. Such things can improve happiness for a select few, but if we believe the stories then probably not. Philosophically, being happy means living a good life, full of simple pleasures, environmental engagement, social relationships, meaning (religious, self, etc.), and accomplishments.

I suffer from manic depression but I do have a good life. I fight battles with myself every day but when it boils down to it, I'm happy more often than not. I like the idea that happiness can be improved by multiple factors. I love the simple pleasure of sitting in a hot bath until my fingers are pruned and the water becomes tepid. Some people are at their happiness when at the center of attention in a room full of people. I know countless people who are so strong in their faith that they are truly happy in their life; no trials or tribulations change their demeanor. Finally, I can attest that a happy work environment makes for a much more productive employee.

So don't worry. Be happy! If you are unhappy, find something that makes it better. I recommend a hot bath and a good book. But that's just me.


Love is love, no matter the back story. <3 DS

Monday Mood: Shyness

After a recent visit with some friends, I found myself wondering more about the featured Monday Mood for today. For most folks, you are either a people person or you are not. Most people enjoy the company of others. Some people would love to enjoy the company of others but they are hopelessly awkward and feel more comfortable in one-on-one or small group atmospheres (that is me... hopelessly awkward lol). However, social awkwardness should not be confused with shyness. Shyness is "the feeling of apprehension, lack of comfort, or awkwardness experienced when a person is in proximity to, approaching, or being approached by other people, especially in new situations or with unfamiliar people." It can be a result of genetics, or a result of rearing.

When kids are shy, hiding their faces in their mother's neck or their father's pant leg, we chuckle and smile at how "cute" they are. Yeah, I get it. Some kids take a while to warm up to strangers. In itself, that isn't a terrible thing. Don't talk to strangers rule holds up well in such a situation. However, children should grow out of this behavior! Humans are social creatures. We rely on others in a give and take world that requires social interaction outside of giggling behind Daddy's knee. At a very minimum, kids need to feel comfortable addressing groups of people in a scripted, controlled environment (like a speech class). Children exhibiting extreme shyness as they progress through adolescence are at a huge disadvantage compared to their peers. If they can't speak in front of classmates they have known for 12 years, how on Earth are they going to manage sitting through an interview? Heaven forbid they walk into a panel interview!

In 1980, shyness was classified by the DSM-III as a rare social phobia. In 1994, the DSM-IV reworked it into commonly occurring social anxiety disorder (SAD). The prevalence of social anxiety disorder was in part due to doctoring by prescription-pushers looking for the next big drug wave. The actual numbers of those affected by SAD is unknown as those that truly suffer from the disorder are unlikely to visit a doctor's office for help in the first place!

Parents, pay attention to your child's behavior. What is cute now may develop into a very real problem later in life. Help them to develop social skills that allow for them to interact with society without feeling like the ugly duckling. Some kids really can't do it alone. If, despite your efforts, you find your kid entering grade school and still taking every opportunity to hide from your friends, your mother-in-law, and the neighbors, you might want to consult a doctor or therapist. You are your child's first champion and advocate.

Monday Mood: Curiosity

Here's a light Monday Mood. The drive to learn new things is called curiosity. Natural inquisitive behaviors, like learning, investigation, and exploration are rampant among humans and other animals. This includes primates, cats, reptiles, and fish. Similar to wonder, curiosity is what drives humanity further through science and the quest for knowledge.

Curiosity stimulates both hemispheres of the brain and helps to increase long term memory. This is especially handy for those that work in the scientific field or actively enjoy trivia! Without a curious mind, where would we be today? My bet is on nowhere. For a fun read, check out any one of the "Curious George" books!

Monday Mood: Wonder

The last couple Monday Moods have been dreary. So, here is a uplifting one: Wonder!

Wonder is a feeling like surprise when experiencing something rare or unexpected in a nonthreatening way. It is linked with curiosity, human nature, and intellectual growth. Without wonder, could we every really develop our little baby brains into walking, talking, creative adults?

Descartes claimed that wonder is the first of all the passions. Plato wrote about wonder being integral to all philosophy. Aristotle likened wonder similarly, as in viewing beautiful and horrible paintings with the same degree of wonder.

Wonder is a great thing. It is what makes people explore uncharted territory, learn why the sky is blue, and take up passions. Without wonder, I don't know that anyone could experience any other emotion. We might as well be robots without it.

Monday Mood: Shock

Ah, what a day. Today's Monday Mood is appropriate. Let's talk about shock. Shock, a.k.a. acute stress disorder, is a psychological condition resulting from a terrifying or traumatic event.

So, someone experiences a traumatic event where they are incredibly (read: way beyond the normal every day occurrences) disturbed, frightened, stressed, or pained in an event involving (actual or threatened) serious injury or death to themselves or others. Shock is a variation of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder.

People in shock typically start out dazed, sometimes semi-conscious, with an inability to comprehend or pay attention to stimuli, and can appear disoriented. They progress to withdrawal or extreme agitation. Anxiety, impaired judgment, confusion, and depression tend to follow. For most folks, these episodes go away after a few days. Many people don't remember the events leading to and through the shock. Those unlucky enough to suffer from PTSD may deal with it for the duration of their lives.

Someone that experiences true shock really needs to get to a counselor, a doctor, a priest... somewhere that they can get treatment and work through the shock in a healthy manner. Statistics show that people that experience shock and shock-like symptoms for longer than 30 days have a much higher risk of PTSD. Medication and counseling can help prevent a lifelong disabling ordeal.

Monday Mood: Anxiety

Yay for Monday Mood! So I've been stressed out the last few days so today's mood is anxiety. Anxiety is one of those emotions that has so many different causes, effects, and symptoms that it is hard to define it without a doctoral degree.

Anxiety often happens without any kind of known stimulus so it is hard to pinpoint an identifiable cause. Are you sick? Suffering an existential crisis (death, fate, guilt, spirituality)? Taking an important test or getting ready for a huge task? Freaked out by strangers or crowds? Making an important decision? Poor coping skills? Yeah, so many possible causes. Keep reading.

Some effects/symptoms of anxiety should be familiar to everyone.

• Heart palpitations, fatigue, nausea, headaches, sense of dread, panic attacks.
• Irritability, restlessness, paranoia, nightmares.
• Prolonged thoughts on suspected dangers, like death, heart attacks, brain trauma.
• Withdrawal from social situations or stimulating experiences, insomnia, nail biting, and increased motor tension (like foot tapping and pencil drumming).

Ever experienced any of this? Yeah, me too. But not everyone that has experienced these things have experienced anxiety. They could genuinely be ill. If you find yourself experiencing many of these symptoms in tandem, please see your doctor.

Monday Mood: Hope

The mood for today is hope. Hope is defined as the belief in a positive outcome related to events and circumstances in one's life. Not to confuse it with positive thinking (where one uses such thinking in order to avoid a pessimistic attitude), hope is a feeling of good things coming, despite a bad situation.

A huge movement of hope is hitting our nation through the It Gets Better Project created by the Trevor Project. The Trevor Project is a suicide prevention hotline aimed at helping gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered, and questioning youth find alternatives to suicide. It Gets Better Project is aimed at providing hope to the downtrodden, sending out the message that no matter your situation, it can and will get better. People all over the world have uploaded messages of hope for those suffering from bullying and identity issues, urging people in need to reach out to the community for help.

President Obama has lent his voice to the movement of hope. He has taken a stance against bullying, saying:

We've got to dispel this myth that bullying is just a normal rite of passage; that it's just some inevitable part of growing up. It's not. We have an obligation to ensure that our schools are safe for all of our kids. And for every young person out there you need to know that if you're in trouble, there are caring adults who can help.

Hope is something we as a world-wide community need. Find what gives you hope and share it with the world. Make a video for the It Gets Better Project. Volunteer at your local homeless shelter or veteran's home. Give back where you can, and you can help give hope to the world.

Happy 4th of July!

Monday Mood: Pride

Continuing to honor Gay Pride month, this Monday Mood is about pride. Pride is defined as a feeling of honor and self-respect. The philosophers of old, like Aristotle, saw pride as a virtue. Most religions view it as a sin. Conundrum, yes?

I see nothing wrong with having some pride. Nations celebrate their pride. One of my favorite songs is "Proud to be an American" by Lee Greenwood. Many ethnic groups celebrate pride in their heritage. Without black pride, we might never have had the Civil Rights Movement in the United States. LGBT pride is celebrated across the world, empowering lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgendered, and questioning individuals.

Having pride is generally positively associated with altruism and can increase productivity and creativity. What employer doesn't want an employee that prides himself in his work? What coach doesn't want an athlete that prides himself in his talent, effort, and team?

Be proud of who you are. Accept your talents and flaws as an entire package, because you are perfect the way you are.

Monday Mood: Love

June is Gay Pride month and I am a full supporter of gay rights. In honor of Gay Pride month, my first Monday Mood is all about love. Love is defined as an emotion of strong affection and personal attachment. Whether you love your car, your dog, or your significant other, love is at the core of human emotion.

Cliches abound with love, Virgi's "love conquers all" and the Beatles' "All You Need is Love" come to mind. Love crosses all boundaries. It is what makes people cry at weddings, funerals, and births. It is a driving force in the foundations of our lives. It is a basic necessity, like food, water, and shelter.

Love is a wonderful and terrible thing. It has built and destroyed nations. It has given people a reason to live and a reason to end their lives. It is the most powerful emotion I can think of in how much love can do to our world.

Love yourself. Love those around you. Love what you do. Love is love, no matter the back story.